Question:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a
valley, and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the
same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the
same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a
helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?









Answer:
Get off the children's merry-go-round. You're drunk.

Go Bucs!

The Pirates have won four in a row and are the hottest team in baseball!

Boulder H3

Made the trip up north today for my first ever Boulder hash. Easy trail, but I did finally get to see Colfax Ave in the daytime (yes, the Boulder hash was in Denver). Slut's shirt had a good time too.

weekend runs

Last hard weekend before the Pikes races, and I made it count.

On Saturday morning I met up with a CRUD buddy and we had a great run. Started at Elk Park, elevation 11,800 feet. Ran down an incredibly beautiful trail to Barr Camp at 10,200 feet. From there we did the six mile summit to Pikes via the Barr trail (my 5th summit of Pikes since I moved here). Then we did the same route back to the car. 24 miles of hard, technical trail running, all above 10,200 feet! Woohoo! Got some awesome views of Pikes and the surrounding mountains along the Barr to Elk Park trail too.

Still managed to hit the Pikes Peak hash that afternoon too!

Legs were shot on Sunday morning, but I still managed a hike up the incline before heading up to the Boulder hash.

CRUD barbeque

My running buddy Eric is moving back to Atlanta soon, and last night we had a CRUD gathering for him. During his "speech" he came up with this nugget of wisdom:

"Never let a poor performance get in the way of talking shit."

Great words to live by!

Now it's off for an Elk Creek Park/Barr Camp/Pikes summit run. 24 miles, lots of hills, all trail, all above 10,200 feet. Woohoo!

why Pikes?

If you can ignore the annoying team in training ad, a good article in the latest Runner's world about the Pikes Peak races. They mention the Arkansas contingent, but I think the Austin crew will overtake them, both in numbers and obnoxiousness, this year. The article is here.

Loved this quote from local hero Matt Carpenter, talking about the race as it rises above treeline at 12,000 feet:

"This mile alone has crushed the dreams of many runners. From here on up it is about wanting to get to the top. If that means running--awesome. If that means walking--super. If that means crawling--do it. Just keep moving!"

Hopefully Matt won't embarass me by testing positive for steroids this year.

like a bad rash...

...brownie never really goes away!

bite me

words of wisdom

"There's only one rule: The guy who trains the hardest, the most, wins. Period. Because you won't die. Even though you feel like you'll die, you don't actually die. Like when you're training, you can always do one more. Always. As tired as you might think you are, you can always, always do one more."

-Floyd Landis

intellectual whores

Great stuff, and it completely describes my behavior! Unfortunately, most of my time is spent in the abyss...

ladder theory

Invihash Roll Call

Which of my loyal readers are going to Colorado Invihash? I have e-mails to send out. I'm also looking at putting together a dodge ball team for the event, so let me know if you're interested.

Welcome to Colorado!

Colorado welcomes it's newest resident, Melissa! She's spending her final hours as a Texan today before making the drive to the second coolest state in the country (besides PA, of course).

FRB's

Me and Free Bus(c)h drinking for FRBing at the military hash. Though she wasn't wearing any military apparell she made an acceptable barracks whore.

overheard at work today...

Me: So what have you been up to? Chasin' women? Partying?

Parolee: No, I've been busy watching Jews die on TV.

shirted!

Another great time at Jack Quinn's Running Club. Finally got my shirt too! Tuesday marked the fourth day in a row I did some kind of organized drink/run event. Kimchi hash, Denver hash, DIM hash, and JQ's. I'll try to hit the CO Running Company happy hour tonight but I think I gotta work late.

brass monkey...that funky monkey!

Beers and Mt. Bierstadt

Bagged 14er #6 today, Mount Bierstadt. Good times, had a couple 'o other hashers along for the trip as well as a vacationing Hill Country Trail Runner. Finished with enough spunk to get to the Denver hash and show those Air Force desk jockeys that they can't hang with the Infantry!

I'll post a report later, once I've finally caught up on sleep (camped out at 11,700 feet on Sat, after drinking with the Kimchi's, so I'm pretty tired).

Until then, pics are here.

DH3

Me and Boobs, at the Denver Military Hash, telling the rest of the world where it's priorities should be.

Kinfolks

Celebrating my Barr Trail Mountain Race at Kinfolk's in Manitou Springs.

for Smut...

Aww, puppy dogs! Chicks love puppy dogs, right?

Anyways, these two poor dogs are now at the center of a huge controversy in the Springs. The far left fringe and the far right fringe are up in arms, and the amount of noise those two groups are making causes the politicians to play along. Meanwhile, the middle 98% of us are left to wonder, "aren't there more important things to worry about?"

The left and right links are pretty funny. Especially since the big gay football player is named Dan and resembles Chlamydia. Coincidence?

overheard at work today...

Me: So how've you been?

Parolee: Good. I've been clean and sober for a week now.

Me: Really? This says you tested positive for coke on Tuesday.

Parolee: Oh. Well, it's been almost a week...

Barr Trail Mountain Race

Up early again on Saturday for the Barr Trail Mountain Race. Great warm-up and fitness gauge for the Pikes Peak Ascent/Marathon coming up. Lots of Austinites, well over 20, came up for the race. At 12 miles long, it's a bit short for me, but I was over there looking to have some fun and get a cool shirt.

The race starts at the Cog railway in Manitou Springs and runs six miles up to Barr Camp. You then turn around and bomb back down those six miles.

I'm not much of a downhill runner, so my entire race was focused on the first six miles. My goal was to start slow and just keep running, which I knew would put me ahead of the vast majority of the field. This plan worked well. Despite my Elbert trip the day before, I ran well. Set PR's to No Name Creek (40:10), the 7.8 sign (57:44) and Barr Camp (1:17:05). These were big PR's too, by several minutes. The even but hard pace I set put me in the top 50 of the race, pretty decent considering it was a world class field.

Hell, I had done so well up to that point I decided to try to run down too. Hammered down with no regard to my own safety, and got back to the Cog in 44:52, over ten minutes faster than the average descent time.

Put me at the finish line in a time of 2:01:57. Really happy with my time, and especially with my 42nd overall place (out of 333 finishers). Beat a lot of local runners that I had no business competing with over such a short distance. And I even picked up some hardware, grabbing 5th place in the 30-35 age group! Pretty sweet plaque for my collection!

Great to see so many Austinites make this trip! My hat goes off to all of them, it's incredibly tough to train for a race up a mountain while living in flatland Texas. Not a single one of them DNF'd or finished over the 3.5 hour cutoff! Gutsy performances by all!

Mt. Elbert/Leadville

After drinking head Rogue Steve Sisson under the table at the Keg and again at the Black Sheep on Thursday night (all you can drink PBR, woohoo!), I met up with Nicole on Friday afternoon for an assault on Colorado's highest peak, Mount Elbert.

Left the Springs and headed straight for Leadville. Great drive to a beautiful town. Immediately stopped at the Silver Dollar Saloon, quite the pub. For a pre-climb meal it was off to Rosie's Brewpub, at 10,152 feet it's North America's Highest Brewery! First brewpub I've ever been to that had it's own malt liquor - the Mount Massive Malt Liquor. Great stuff! Had awesome wings too, I highly recommend this place.

Slightly tipsy it was off to the Mount Elbert trailhead. Camped near the trailhead at 10,400 feet. Due to the recent rains the fire ban had recently been lifted, so it was nice to enjoy some PBR around a hastily made campfire.

Stepped off next morning just after 5AM. It's not a bad hike, though it's steep at times. No navigation required, just following a well worn path. Nicole had to take a few breaks on the way up due to the altitude, but we still made pretty good time. The early start allowed us to have the peak to ourselves for a good 15 minutes until the parade of climbers began.

By the way, notice my kick ass, hot dog themed Lehigh Valley H3 shirt!

Back down the peak, it was off to the Tennessee Pass Cafe for a big, huge cheeseburger and some more local brews.

More pics can be seen here.

Nicole's pics are here.

overheard at work today...

Not sure what they were talking about, but I heard one parolee say to another "I'm sweating like a Catholic priest at a little league game."

Jack Quinn's Racing Team

Couple of Barr Mountain Trail Race overachievers at Jack Quinn's last night. Had an awesome long weekend, should update my blog with stories and pics later tonight.

DTBW/BBK

Some pics of the DTBW/BBK visit to the Springs. Not work friendly.

pics

Slut's shirt on top of Colorado! Mount Elbert, 14,433 feet and the highest mountain in the Centennial State.

Great weekend! Bagged Elbert, visited Leadville, drank at North America's highest brewpub,won hardware at the Barr Trail Mountain Race, and got to hang out with all the visiting Rogues from Austin. Updates to follow soon.

my kind of religion!

Thought this was pretty funny.

King of Beers

the adventure continues...

let's hear it for PA!

FYI, the current leader of the Tour de France, Floyd Landis, is from Pennsylvania. He would kick Lance's ass!

must...get...beer...

It's 1:30PM, and my BAC has shrunk to a teetotaling 0.007. I will be completely sober soon. Musn't let that happen!

BAC

BAC is still .059 at 10AM.

hypocracy

I am drunk.

I am at work.

Soon, I'll hafta tell some poor parolee that alcohol is ruining his life and he needs to quit drinking.

Woohoo!

lung buster

Got an invite from JohnBoy to do a Colorado adventure race in September. Involves running, trekking, climbing, orienteering, mountain biking, kayaking, beer drinking and who knows what else. Not really in adventure racing shape, but I certainly wouldn't let that stop me, and I'm giving the race serious consideration.

LungBuster

For those that don't know, I have never lost an adventure race, even with some shitty partners:

hardcore!

There is a bar called Tex-Mex close to where I live. It's one of the seedier bars in one of the seedier sections of town. There has been at least one stabbing incident (two were stabbed in a fight) that I know of since I moved here.

I ran by there around 6:30 this morning, and there were already two people sitting on the curb waiting to get in. The bar doesn't open until 7AM. And this is on a Wednesday!

more Texans than Texas!

Guess it's that time of the season for the Austinites to come visit Colorado!

Got to party with Dick The Boy Wonder and Big Bloody Ketchup this past Saturday, had a blast! I'll post pics once I track down my camera.

This weekend begins the Rogue invasion, with a bunch of 'em coming up for the Barr Trail Mountain Race. Nicole is coming up on Friday and I'm gonna try to get her lame ass up Colorado's tallest peak, Mt. Elbert, on Saturday.

Melissa moves up to Denver at the end of July. Look for the Texas vs. Colorado post on her blog shortly thereafter.

Two more hashers are probably gonna be up here soon for good.

Mid-August brings another Austin invasion for the Pikes Peak races. In terms of numbers, Austin is the number three city, behind only Colorado Springs and Denver.

And of course, Invihash in September. Looks like Chucky Cheeks and I are gonna hare a pub crawl on Thurs, FYI.

Anyways, all you visitors be sure to bring me some Tito's!

describing Boulder

Great article in the newest Outside magazine about Boulder, CO (or The Peoples Republic of Boulder, as the less liberal folks here in Colorado Springs like to say).

The author's description of Boulderites: "If Lance Armstrong and Amy Goodman had a love child, the prodigy would drive his Audi A4 to Boulder, buy a Maverick to decorate the roof rack, and then not ride the $5000 bike because he didn't want to encroach upon the mountain lion habitat."

His account of the Boulder economy: "The Dunkin' Donuts went out of business, but the oxygen bar next door to the gay-and-lesbian bookstore seems to be doing well."

Sounds like a place Smut Mutt would enjoy!

Damn!

Well, looks like Melissa finally beat me in something ultra related. In our quest to finally get our names in Ultrarunning magazine, she was on page 28 (for her finish at Zane Grey) and I wasn't listed until page 32 (for my Collegiate Peaks race). So congrats to her. But I still find it mysterious that I never received the Sunmart issue, I think she stole it from my mailbox so I wouldn't see my name there.

pirate joke

A pirate joke (and not the Pittsburgh Pirates, though they're a joke too):

Q: What happens to a pirate who eats too much chlosterol?


A: He gets hARRRRdening of the ARRRRteries!

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Gawd, I kill myself!

let it rain!

We've been getting a ton of rain here in Colorado over the past few weeks. I guess the monsoon season has come early. And not just the run-for-your-life fierce thunderstorms in the higher elevations, it's been pretty wet all along the front range. Which is good, we had been in a pretty bad drought and all this rain has lessened the chances for a major forest fire. Plus, they're even gonna lift the ban on fires this weekend, so I'll be able to have a campfire next week on my Elbert trip. And I must say, riding to and from work in the rain has been quite fun!

The bad news is that it's wet all the time. And muddy. Great for running and biking, but those conditions ended up cancelling the trail building day I was supposed to take part in tomorrow with the local Medicine Wheel. I was looking forward to that, I was gonna help build a brand new trail and then come back and ruin it by having hashers traverse it. Oh well.

But hey, at least now I'll get to do my first Colorado Kimche hash. Plus, the start for that is at a bar within walking distance from my house. And the bar has both PBR and Old Style! Woohoo!

16!

Set a new personal hot dog record with 16 eaten today! I think I could get 24, but I'm not gonna try anytime soon.

Muscoco Mountain

Was able to spend the bulk of my July 4th outside today, so much better than being at work!

Day began with a climb ov Muscoco Mountain over in Cheyenne Canyon. Thought this was gonna be an easy climb, but it turned out to be something of a challenge with several steep sections. The peak was pretty cool though, with great views of Colorado Springs, Helen Hunt falls, Mount Cutler, Chenenne Mountain, and the rest of the canyon.

That's me at the top. Cheyenne Canyon was packed due to all the 4 July festivities, and the same was true for the Mount Cutler trail, but once I started off to Muscoco I didn't see anyone else until I was just leaving the summit.

Didn't take a whole lot of pics, but what I have are here.

Got down the mountain and decided to head out for a bike ride. Went over to Palmer Park, a short ride from my house. It was my first ride on technical trails since I moved here, so I wasn't expecting much. But I ended up doing pretty well, so I was happy. Got in a good 90 minute ride before the rains came and forced me off the trails.

Oh yeah, I've also already had eight hot dogs today. And I'm getting hungry again, so I may be able to break my current record. I'm not ready for the Coney Island hot dog eating contest quite yet, but maybe someday...

ultimate challenge?

Might hafta try this one if it ever happens again. Or maybe take a week off work next summer and make an attempt.

nolans

That's me, sittin' pretty on top of 14,267 foot Torreys Peak, the 11th highest mountain in Colorado. And here's the shot of the high altitude drinking team:

Grays, Torreys, and my first taste of shitty mountain weather!

On the road at 4AM (ugh...) and stepping off from the Greys Peak trailhead at 7AM. Awesome hike! Mostly well worn trails with some rock scrambling thrown in at times. Hit the top of 14,270 foot Grays Peak around 8:45. Good time, but I was pushing it pretty hard.

Small world, on the peak of Grays I met a duo from Boulder who were attempting to climb all the 14ers and drink a micro from Oskar Blues at the top! So there are more members of the high altitude drinking team!

Took about 45 minutes for the HABDT to cross the ridge from Grays to Torreys, where of course we all had another beer. These two peaks are in the middle of the continental divide, and any way you looked all you could see were more mountains. Woohoo!

Left Torreys in good shape and was back at my jeep around 11:30AM. I knew my next stop was in Fairplay to scout for CoTex, but I decided to drop by Quandry Peak along the way for an attempt at a third 14er.

Things weren't looking too good as I arrived at the Q trailhead. There were some pretty funky clouds in the sky, and this is an area known for pretty violent storms. Of course, that didn't phase me, and I began my ascent.

Kept looking skyward, but the clouds couldn't decide what to do. It was still nice out, but I could hear a lot of rumbling off in the distance. But the clouds weren't moving, so I kept on heading up.

At treeline, about 1/3 of the way up, I just had an eerie feeling. Still couldn't figure out what the weather was gonna do, so I decided to fire up a cigar and hang out for a bit, hoping the weather would clear.

After about half an hour the weather hadn't done anything, but I still had a gut feeling to head down so I did. And not two minutes after I turned around the storm hit. Pretty violent hail, lots of lightening, high winds. The whole shebang. Heard two thunder claps that were louder than any explosion I heard in Iraq. I'm sure glad I stopped to have that stogie, or I woulda been up on an exposed ridge during all of this, and not down in the relative safety of the forest. Hell, can't say for sure, but it's quite possible a Philly Blunt saved my life!

Keeping up on the internet posts, I know there were people exposed on the ridge during this, and I hope they made it down alright.

Pics of the adventures can be found here.

from one Pikes Peak to another...

Nailed a peak attempt at Pikes today, summitted in less than four hours! Watched a bit of the car race, then booked down the mountain in time for the P2H4. Good day!

who's cummin'?

This is extremely unofficial, but this should give you an idea of who is gonna be at Colorado Invihash. They are only taking 250 hashers, so if you're thinking of going you better rego soon.

Who's Cumming to Invihash


Hash Name Home Hash

1. Knee Deep in Brown Stuff Denver H3
2. Pile On Fort Collins
3. Krabs'R Us FortCollins
4. Keeps it up PikesPeak
5. Ultrawimp Denver
6. Two Lips Denver
7. Glitoris PikesPeak P2H4
8. CHUCKLES AUSTIN
9. Flamin' Gamin' Beaver Cleaver Albuquerque
10. Hangar Queen BVDH3
11. Sir Flatulot Tidewater H3
12. Salad Shooter BVD H3
13. Stupid Piece of Shit Boulder
14. I Do Do Do Do Do Do Boulder
15. Queen Blowtifha Fort Eustis
16. Public Enema Atlanta
17. Catwoman Pikes Peak
18. Great Balls Of Fire Pikes Peak
19. oops Atlanta Black Sheep
20. Deposit Slit AtlantaBlack Sheep
21. CARPET MUNCHER
22. JUST KEN
25. Little Dipper LosAngeles H3
26. High Beams Austin H3
27. CABOOSE ORANGE COUNTY
28. CHOO-CHOO ORANGECOUNTY
29. Father Syphilis Austin H
330. Fire Tunnel HoustonH
331. Pork My Pussy Austin H
332. BILDO BAGGINS FORTWORTH
33. Lewis & Cock Austin H3
34. Blacks On Blondes (BOB) Jax BeachFL
35. Phirrburger BlackSheep
36. Sinbad Denver
37. Coppertone Bone SanDiego
38. Spermes Boulder Flatlander
39. Follow the Bleeder AlbuquerqueHash House Harriers
40. Eats It All DenverH3
41. Ball Taster DenverH3
42. Lost Her Pussy Oklahoma
43. Up The Ass Oklahoma
44. Stickless Silicone Valley
45. Shit Faced SiliconeValley
46. Just Shawn Denver
47. Shit On a Shingle (SOS) P2H4
48. Beaver Cleaver Austin
49. Ho Paint FortWorth
50. Bubble Cumm Fort Worth
51. Day Old Fish Austin H3
52. Flipper LAH3
53. Dr. Doo-Doo SOB H17
54. Crystal Balls Colo.Mountain Goat H3
55. Gets Her Rocks Off Colo MountainGoat H3
56. woodswrecker Pikes Peak
57. magically delicious boulderflatlanders
58. Rear Ejection Pikes PeakH4
59. Roach Motel Pikes PeakH4
60. Phacial Kondom Pikes Peak H4
61. Moon Pgh-H3
62. rex erection pittsburgh pa
63. Pig Pimp BoulderFlatlanders
64. Damn Little Pikes Peak
65. Dairy Godmother P2H4
66. Instant Replay Austin
67. Ram Rod Austin
68. Hogballs Other Orlando
69. Ben Wa Denver
70. 4 Inch Hole BlackSheep H3
71. BWANA Black Sheep H3
72. Wet Spot BrenhamH3
73. 6-9 Split LBH3
74. 8 Yellow Snow Bandito H3
75. Blow Up Doll Bandito H3
76. No Dick Pikes Peak Hash
77. Follow The Bleeder White House H3
78. Organ Grinder Austin
79. My Ingrown Testicle Austin
80. Little Dinghy El Paso H3
81. Green Piece Denver H3
82. Rose Bud Denver H3
83. Knees Up Denver H3
84. Triple Tongue Denver H3
85. Chinwacker Denver H3
86. Fried Green Tits Albuquerque
87. Cock Pit Albuquerque
88. Chucky Cheeks P2 H4
89. Allnighter P2 H4
90. Head Eunuch Fort Collins
91. Can't Say No FortCollins
92. Free BusCh FortCollins
93. Lowlife Denver H3
94. Primer Atlanta H4
95. Service My Tool Wheelhopper H3
96. Laid Off Siliconevalley HHH
97. Vee Dee Silicone valley HHH
98. Meat Gazer PPHH
99. Midnight Stroker PPHH
100. BRRRR Austin H3
101. No Girth PikesPeak H4
102. Hand Job Pikes PeakH4
103. Erection Master Pikes Peak H4
104. Butt Chug Pikes PeakH3
105. Ringleader Pikes PeakH4
106. Used To Be Good Little Rock
107. Dick on a Stick Los Angeles
108. Burning Bush Black SheepH3
109. Butt Pipe BlackSheep H3
110. UPCHUCK LasVegas
111. Wee Little Bit Atlanta HHH
112. Gangbanger Randsburg H3
113. Suck It Dry LosAngeles HHH
114. Hozer Randsburg H3
115. Black & Blood Los AngelesHHH
116. Shit Happens HappyHeritics
117. Granny Boulders Mt.Vernon HHH
118. Flying Burito Mt. VernonHHH
119. Heavin' Semen Austin H3
120. Pound Puppy Houston H3
121. Roll Model Houston H3
122. Unfuckable P2 H4
123. Deposit Slit AtlantaBlack Sheep
124. OOPS Atlanta Back Sheep
125. Human Resources Orlando H3