One of the parole officers I work with is a gym rat, so we often talk about workout stuff. He comes up to me today and we have the following conversation:
PO: “jt, I stepped on my digital scale last night and weighed in at 203.8 pounds.”
jt: “Oh yeah?”
PO: “Yeah. Then I went and took a huge shit. When I got back on the scale, it read 202.0! Can you believe that? My dump weighed 1.8 pounds!”
You could tell he was really excited about it.
jt: “Wow, isn’t that what newborn kids weigh? Wonder if that’s a normal weight.”
So there’s an old Army lab tech guy who works here, and we went and asked him. He said the average weight of poop per toilet trip is about half a pound. So this was over three times the normal crap. Pretty impressive. Great conversation at work for once.
Anyways, I can’t wait to get me a digital scale for this purpose!
5 comments:
ROTFLMFAO! Yeah, those digital scales are fun for that.
He needs to eat more fiber. More fiber means a lighter poop. Mostly protein means a heavy poop.
Don't ask me how I know this.
Are you going to start blogging your average "weigh-ins" now instead of your avg. running times? You should keep a food diary with you, too. We can try to give you different things to make it heavier. You think hard alcohol would affect the weight at all? Hmmm....you need to find someone who will give you PROTEIN shakes all the time. Maybe we should call Mike Jones, remember, he was Haggard's old 100% hetrosexual male prostitute? I bet he'd help you out.
P.S. I just feel like it is my job to inform you of these Mom things now...avg. newborn weight is @ 7 to 7.5 lbs.
Been there, pooped that.
That's nothin. Last week after my much TexMex over indulgence I had a ferocious #2 ass sneeze. Neighbors for miles around are still in EPA Superfund rehab. Doesn’t look good. The damn county is worse than the Exxon Valdez cleanup. I feel much better tho, thankyou. Due to unprecedented output, I have been forced to surgically attach a kevlar intercontinental pipeline to my ass connected to a transportable fleet of rotating tandem tanker scows to literally go everywhere I go in order to collect my Xcess which seems to flow in a most violent of roiling brownwater rapids. I’ve got to stop eating like a Mexican family trekking Norte.
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